These are some of the truths I wish I had the courage to tell myself and others much earlier.
You have not placed yourself above the situation, nor are you a “bigger person” compared to someone if you are passive-aggressive, secretly irritated, and gossiping about that person behind her back. If something bothers you in relationships with others, then say it, communicate as well as you can. It may be awkward at the beginning, not well worded, you may end up in a conflict, but that is also part of the relationship with people. No matter how painful, uncomfortable it is, say… don’t suffer and be silent.
High sensitivity, sensibility, empathy is not an excuse for the constant role of the victim in relationships with others.
Just because you don’t have conflicts with other people doesn’t mean that you are a good person, sometimes it may mean that you are a hypocrite, who thinks and feels one thing, and speaks and behaves in a different way.
Stop constantly thinking about whether you are liked in your relationships with other people, turn the story around, did you like them? What did they do to please you and are they worthy of your company? You don’t have to constantly deserve the respect and acceptance of others, maybe it should go in both directions and not just in one.
The way you give love does not have to be the measure and guiding star of how love should be given in a relationship. Everyone has their own way and respect and appreciate that.
Your personal values in life are not a measure of value for others. If the family is important to you, it may not be important to someone, if work is important to someone, it may not be important to another, so stop giving people advice about things that may not be important to them at all.
The need for constant control often comes from distrust of others or life. That is very sad in fact. Give yourself time to grieve the fact that someone once made you (or life itself!) a distrustful person. And then let go. I know it’s scary, but you have no choice if you want to breathe more freely in your own skin.
Being busy and stressed does not mean that you are important, hardworking and successful and there is no need to constantly emphasize that in every conversation with people.
If you have already decided to live a life that is not by some quasi-standards of the majority, then be prepared that people will ask you stupid questions, that they will give themselves the right to comment on everything and consider you weird. You don’t have to justify yourself to anyone and enlighten others with explanations of why you chose the path you are on.
Show people your weaknesses, if they are already showing you theirs. Occasionally step out of your role as an advice giver, a therapist, a counselor, and a person who keeps everything under control, allow yourself and others to see you lost, vulnerable – it is liberating.
I’m curious about the things you didn’t have the courage to say to yourself and others earlier… Please leave a comment!